How much money would change your life???

This subject fascinates me recently. I have worked in the same building for over nine years. I witness the same people come through and pass my cafe. I have the miserable monsters who will make eye contact and see me smile and say good morning and say nothing and keep walking. Really??? When did it get so hard to smile back at another human? Bizarre but not as condescending as the elitist that let you know everyday that you and your obvious lack of education and ambition is beneath them. It always surprises people that I choose to work in the food industry. I always laugh and remind people I actually went to college and everything. But I am once again going on another tangent. My original question is simple. How much money would it take to change your life?

Most Americans are at least $8,000 in debt, I believe quite more but never the less is that enough to quit a job you obviously hate? Would that amount change your life? Would your children's education fund fully ready for them change your life? Would $5,000 for plastic surgery be all you wanted? Would just enough to move out of town be enough?

I see so many people claim they only do what they do because they have to. They are walking zombies wasting their life busy punching a clock for something they probably never desired to do. So many of us, I included, solely followed what their parents or others told them to pursue. We rarely are told and encouraged to follow our true passions. Though in hindsight being a super hero or spy probably disturbed my parents quite a bit. I've kept my Cafe and Catering business far longer than my passion was inspiring me. I had a mortgage and being single had no one to help me through a transition. The market is not the best to sell right now so it has been hard to downsize. I have continued to wake up and go to a prison of my own making. I go through the motions and used and abused substances such as alcohol and food and men to get through another day of hell. I admit I no longer have a passion for my own business anymore. I thought it would past but it's been about three years at least.

This leads me to my prayers. I kept praying for $10,000 to get out of debt and close my business and try something else. I would be caught up on taxes and condo bills and be able to move on. Sounds good right? Perfect... until I received 5 times that amount. Be careful what you ask for...as they say.

This could change my life. This could be the start of waking up happy. I was so confused, now what. Now the money becomes a burden. I made the mistake of telling people, stupid me. People asking for loans and computers and all sorts of crazy stuff. I find this crazy because I would never ask anyone for anything but so be it. I gave some to charity to stay blessed and got all caught up on bills. I bought this Mac I'm writing on and probably blew two grand on going out and clothes. I've been struggling and living without cable and some months electricity so I wanted to just have some fun. Really wasn't fun though.

Now I am worried and watching this amount and being scared i spent so much already. See what I mean? Now the balance and what to do with it is scaring me. it's becoming like the "ring precious", all consuming. My business is doing so bad that I've spent another few grand just keeping it a float. Yes, that's right it costs me to go to a job I no longer love and stay there for ten hours a day hearing everyone's opinion. Just a side note, People really don't want or appreciate unsolicited advice. Unless someone asks for your opinion maybe just keep your random idea's to yourself. I find it offensive that watching the food network or loving to eat makes you an expert in my field. Would you let me operate on you because I watch House and love the sight of blood??? Sounds pretty dumb huh?

I realize now I have no excuses. I can follow my dreams and do something else. Now people tell me that thirty thousand isn't a lot. It's like a million dollars to me. I don't need a new car or fancy toys. I have been neurotic about my tummy for so long I really thought about getting that done. Just seems so selfish to do something like that, especially in this economy.

I thought about going back to school for psychology and becoming a therapist to high profile clients because I pretty much do that daily now for a dollar coffee. Yep, i'm Lucy with the advice box that cost me well over fifty thousand to open. I thought about joining a team and following PR career since I have always enjoyed that also. Now I'm forty looking to change a career and compete with some of the youngest and brightest. I am paralyzed with anxiety. I have always been aggressive in life and in chess. I feel like I somehow have lost myself doing a career far longer than I wanted to. I have become those zombies I see daily punching a clock. I am exhausted and confused. Wasn't this what I had wanted? I love my condo, I do. i have three floors and two decks and I have an amazing view of the city and the water. But I spend my weekends alone and have no one to share these things with. It's the eye of the !!! See what I mean about how much money is enough? Is it the money or the desire or the balls to finally stand up and say "Yes! I wanted to be a superhero and by God I'm going to pursue it!".

I want to and dream about just saying deuces to everything and one and traveling. Just heading over sea's and discovering new cultures and leaving some loves along the way! Is that bed? That's what I really want to do. I guess I could always waitress when i come back. Isn't there more to having a life than making a living??

So be careful when you think one amount can change your life! Maybe it's actually you that needs to be present to change your life. Perhaps money has really nothing to do with it.